Superman & My Old Man

i miss my dad. daily. since this damn movie started being advertised it's been exacerbated. i'm not going to lie. i distinctly remember going to see superman ii at the theater with my pop. me and the old man didn't bond over too many things: books and movies were about it (we could add politics & education, now- but not when i was growing up). it's funny, some of my best memories are associated with books & movies. for instance, i remember reading carl hiaasen's double whammy to him as we drove to florida on a family vacation and being worried that i'd get in trouble for saying the cuss words (from god, too!). or going to see raiders of the lost ark or years later, the last crusade with him. or, (and this is funny) going to see rocky iii, just the 2 of us, and feeling like he and i had something special. today, i had that with my own son. today, jack and i went to storytime at the bpl [warning: offensive language in the italicized portion, be aware] and i had such a great time just sitting there holding my boy on my lap listening to this woman tell stories and sing with him. afterward, i showed him my laptop wallpaper (superman, as jesus ascending over the earth) and we watched the movie trailers and all of sudden, as i watched these trailers, watching him get excited about superman, i started to cry. started thinking about pop. started thinking about jack & me & pop. goddamnit. i miss my old man. i'm sittin' here @ the coffee shop- hopin' the other patrons won't notice the dude in the corner with the tears in his eyes. i don't know why it surprises me that i still feel the pain of dad's loss. how can we ever truly get over the loss of our father? what is interesting to me (notice the distancing?) is how superheroes are both catalysts and relief for the pain of this loss. i think there is something to that whole archetypal theory that superheroes are the ideals of our parents. anyway, i don't have anything wise to say. i'll leave it to kate to connect those dots, she's good at that. i'm just melancholy even this many years later.
jefe
ps- thank you god for jack. he's so frickin awesome.